Wherefore Art Thou, Primrose Hamar? (A Red Green Show Fan Story)
by Amber Zephyr Galloway
Summary: Yakone "Primrose" Hamar may seem like an ordinary member of the fictional Inuit Dragon species and a Possum Lodge represenitive living in a small Canadian town, but when she is taken away from Possum Lake by Strathcona Provincial Park rangers, her cross-country adventure may be beyond her, Tawny, or Silver's wildest dream. Inspired by Bolt and Alpha and Omega.


_Wherefore Art Thou, Primrose Hamar?™_

A Red Green Show Fan Story by: Amber Galloway

_The Red Green Show _is a trademark sketch comedy show aired by Global Television and the CBC. This story is written exclusively for entertainment purposes, and no infringement is intended. All the content in this story belong to their respective owners.

The foreign languages used in the story are mostly from the Canadian tundra, more specifically Nunavut, and most sentences in Inuktituit are written in English due to my lack of knowledge of the language, so please feel free to provide what Primrose says in Inuktituit when it says so in the transliteration of the syllabics used in the language.

Prologue: In the Perspective of an Inuit Dragon

In the quiet lakeside Canadian town known as Possum Lake, things had been _not so _quiet and lukewarm recently. It literally blows my little mind to think about what has happened over the last few months over at Possum Lodge! I'm just a lowly represenitive, but me and Dana literally always get involved in whatever Red and his crew get themselves in. It's nuts, I tell ya! _Nuts! _But anyway, one particular thing not only recongized me as a true Lodge represenitive, it also took me on an adventure back to Possum Lake that I would never forget!

Chapter 1: Primrose and the Provincial Park Rangers

_So, this story begins a couple weeks ago, where me and Dana were tasked by Ranger Gord to investigate the forest one day and one heck of a fight began with British Columbian Park Rangers..._

"Hey, Gord! You up there? It's me, Primrose!" I called out to the watchtower where Gord was, and he said: "Of course I am, Prim! You can climb up here!"

I ran towards the watchtower without a second thought, not even for Dana! I mean, I literally left her to (_and not literally_) eat my dust as I just ran to visit Ranger Gord in his watchtower. "Wait up, Primrose! You can't just leave a fellow represenitive behind!" She said, and struggled to keep up.

I climbed inside the watchtower, and Gord sat down next to me. "Good morning, Prim!" He said. "Mornin', Gord!" I said politely. "Is there anything you need me and Dana to do? It must be hard being in a watchtower." I asked him.

"I need you two to check out the forest. I've been seein' prospectors from British Columbia and Saskachewan lately and they must be up to something." Gord said just as Dana got into the watchtower. "I'll do whatever you need me and Dana to do." I said and climbed to the ground, with my tail grabbing Dana's.

We investigated the surrounding area for a good two hours, and we decided to split up a hour and a half into it. I got to the top of a rock to look in the distance, which was mostly just trees and Gord's watchtower. Just then, I heard a stick snap and I looked in the direction of the sound. I saw three park rangers, which were not from around here. I attempted to run away, but I felt a sharp pain in my leg.

After a while, I suddenly didn't have enough strength to run, and things started to get all blurry. I looked at my back leg, and I saw a dart near my ankle, which made me so dizzy that I collapsed and my last memory, in terms of the incident, was being dragged into a metal container.

During the time I was out cold, though I really can't remember it, I was taken to a provincal park on Vancouver Island in British Columbia. I woke up, still in the container, and on a moving vehicle, and I had a panic attack. As soon as I calmed down, I tried to get out, but to no avail.

"Where am I? It better be somewhere I can be comfortable!" I exclaimed in the Inuit language that I knew, though they didn't understand me. I felt the container move, and I realized that they were unloading it from the truck. I ran out of it as soon as they opened it, and I ran as fast as I could until I was close to the edge of a cliff.

"Wow..." I said as I admired the beauty of the scenery, before coming to a bone-chilling conclusion. "This isn't Possum Lake... And they'll wonder where I am, even Mike..." I said once again, and I saw a couple owls in an open field, so I flew towards them. "Err... 'Scuse me, gentlemen, but do you know where this is?" I asked politely, and a great horned owl stepped up to tell me. "You're in Strathcona Provincial Park, kid." He said just as politely.

"Strathcona? I'm all the way from Ontario! I originated on Ellesmere Island, sure, but this is ridiculous!" I yelled out. "Calm yourself down, kid! No need to get all tensed up!" He said to me. "Ugh... I've got to get home; Now. Or else there will be trouble if I don't get back to Possum Lake." I explained, and the two owls exchanged confused glances.

I looked at them in slight confusion. "It's a town in Northern Ontario named after the corresponding lake." I explained. "Oh... _Possum _Lake! Isn't that where a well-known handyman lives?" He asked. "You know about Red Green? I personally know him, and he's one of the best handymen in the entire country!" I boasted in front of the owl.

"He's exactly who I was talking about! And personally, I've never seen him in person." He said. "My name's Primrose Hamar." I said to him. "Name's Tawny. And I've got to hand it to ya, kid; You're pretty smart for someone from Ellesmere and Ontario." He complimented. "Naqúrmiik. That's _'thank you' _in Inuktituit." I said, and Tawny, despite not knowing the language, understood what it meant.

"And I forgot to ask: What in the entirety of Ellesmere Island am I doing here?" I said, and he said: "Well... I usually don't keep track of human activity, but I have overheard that they were relocating an Inuit Dragon, or _Sphenodon draconis_, to this park." I just eavesdropped when I heard that. Why relocate me and take me away from my home? And isn't this the wrong habitat for an Inuit Dragon?

"I'll help you get back to your town, but isn't that across the country?" Tawny asked. "It is... We'll stop at Vancouver first to get an atlas of Canada. I'll show you where Possum Lake is." I suggested. "Okay. But keep me hidden from the people." He said. "I'm used to being around humans, Tawny..." I said and facepalmed.

"Good luck, Tawny!" The other owl, a short-eared owl, said to him. "I will, Nadira. I'll bring this kid back to her home and we'll be together again." He said affectionately to Nadira. "Come on, Tawny! Last one to Vancouver is an opossum!" I challenged him, and we just flew out of Strathcona Park as fast as we could, like a peregrine falcon who'd just spotted a squirrel on the ground.

Because of our incredible speed, we got to Vancouver in less that two hours, and I did not notice the time zone change. "Here we are." I said as I noticed the metropolis in the distance. As soon as I landed, a lady who was walking several dogs put a harness _and _a leash on me, most likely thinking that I was "_lost,_" although I really was not.

"Excuse me, miss, but are you sure that's even a dog?" One man asked the lady, and she looked down to realize that it wasn't a dog that she put the harness on, but I sure looked like it and she had mistaken me for a Irish Wolfhound, literally. "Oh! Sorry there, buddy! Thought that... you know, you were an Akita Inu." She said, and the comparison to the Japanese dog breed actually made more sense than a wolfhound comparison.

"It's okay miss. And it's okay to keep the harness on me." I said, and she let me. At a truckstop near the harbour, I literally wrapped the leash around Tawny. "Are you dead serious, Hamar?" He asked. "Of course I am! Let me get an atlas." I said and walked in, with Tawny on my back. Luckily I still had like, $5 from when I became a represenitive 8 years ago.

I noticed a Canadian travel guide on a rack where they keep the atlases and travel guides that they're selling and walked over there. I grabbed a Canada atlas and bought it to the counter. "That'll be $4." The recepiant said, and I gave him the $5 bill and got $1 in change.

"Would you like anything else?" He asked. "No thanks, sir. Thank you for the offer, though." I said and walked out. Me and Tawny got to the edge of the city when I saw a familiar face. "Who is that?" Tawny murmured, and to him, it came out as a horned owl call.

He looked in the direction of the sound, and he saw me. "Primrose? What are you doing here?" He asked. "Dalton! Does Anne-Marie know you're here?" I asked. "She's in the hotel room. I decided to walk around for a little bit." He said. "Okay, then." I said to him, and I walked off to an alley, where Tawny and I planned our route.

"You sure you know where the town is?" Tawny asked. "Of course I do! Be patient..." I said, and got to a page with the province of Ontario, with every town and city in the province on the provided map. "Here's Possum Lake. See the lake next to it? They're practically called the same name by local residents." I said to him, and he looked a bit more closely. "I do see the town on there, but how do we plan on getting there?" He asked and I had to think of it a little bit.

"We'll have to see, Tawny." I said, and we were about to start our journey when we noticed some sort of feline-ish animal run by, and we followed it. Then, I realized, that the adventure was just only beginning.


End file.
